his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"