Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
