just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
