im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
