Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
