dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
