I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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