this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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