No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
