3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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