What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
