Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize