PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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