good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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