We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
