he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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