dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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