so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
