We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
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I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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