True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
