i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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