I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
