am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
