What a fucking waste of an outfit
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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