I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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