He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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