i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
