we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
