I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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