Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
