he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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