Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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