I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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