my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize