Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
