i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I want to fling myself into the sun
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
