I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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