You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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