You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
