I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
