Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
