Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
