Whod you bang
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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