This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
