i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
