How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have feelings that need drinking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
