we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
