hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
