quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
