Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
