So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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