Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
