I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
NoShamevember. You game?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
