do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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