So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
