my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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