she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
