I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
