Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
