And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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