I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
