Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
