who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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