she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
